my week...

...has primarily been spent with the child on the right and his family--my brother Steven, his wife Lois, their daughter Alyssa, and the adorable boy on the right, Bradley. (I can't figure out why blogger is forcing me to underline all of this--I can't turn it off!)

What better way to spend a week of carefree vacation than to entertain a 4 year old and a one and a half year old? No better way. None at all.

merry christmas to all

I attended a beautiful Christmas Eve service last night (at 10:30pm) at St. Thomas Anglican church in downtown St. Catharines. The building is old and ornate, and the congregation lively and welcoming. The choir and the brass ensemble were stunning. I went with my parents and friends of theirs, none of whom have ever attended an Anglican eucharist. (I felt a little like I was introducing them to "my" treasured tradition, which was very strange since I've only really attended Anglican churches this past semester in Toronto. I had to instruct them about how to take the eucharist.) The church bells were ringing as we entered, and they followed us as we left. What a wonderful way to spend Christmas Eve.

I love being home. I love spending time with my parents. I love discussing and debating with them, learning from them, absorbing my dad's humble wisdom and my mom's firey passion.

This week, no stress about papers. No pressure to understand what I'm reading. No deadlines.

Joya and Dave are driving here as I write.

Steven and Lois and the kids are coming on the 27th.

Hurray for family homecomings! What a blessed way to celebrate Christ's birth.

Pitiful

I have this routine.

When I get tired of working on whichever paper is most pressing at the moment,* I have a routine.

First I check my gmail account to see if anyone's written. Usually, it's just amazon trying to tell me that I'm missing out on the best deal ever.

Next I check my school e-mail account to see if anything exciting is going on. Usually, the new e-mails are from a professor sending a mass e-mail about an upcoming conference that I'm far too confused about to be interested in.

Finally, I check my blog to see if anyone's commented. If not, I click down the (very long, as you can see) list of friends' blogs to see if anyone has updated.

Perhaps this is an explanation to any of you who wonder why I always manage to comment on your latest post within hours of you posting it.

Yup. This is why.

I think I may have a problem.

*Actually, this routine is not limited to relief from boredom while paper writing. I do this every morning when I turn on my computer, every night before I go to bed, when I get home from school, when I get to work. Basically, whenever I'm bored or I feel the alone-ness in my apartment, I go seeking connection through the computer screen. As I write this, I realize how very pitiful that sounds.

Exciting!! New BOOKS!!!

Wow. I never thought I would enjoy getting new books so much. Here's a list of the books I just got--four for under $40!

The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis

The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Just Peacemaking by Glen Stassen

The Politics of Jesus by John Howard Yoder

(Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller...but it's in parentheses because I'm giving it to my cousin...)

Hooray for Crux Theological Books cheap book table!!

I stopped by Crux on my way home from handing in my BOOK for my law class...my 25 page paper ended up as a 29 page paper and it's DONE. Perhaps the book purchase was a celebration!!

Now, on to the ten pager.

procrastination method (1)

I am in the middle of trying to finish a twenty-five page paper (due Wednesday) for my Law, Religion, and Public Discourse class at U of T. I loved the class, and I'm not hating the paper writing either. IT'S JUST SO LONG!! I'm having a hard time concentrating for such long periods of time. And after I'm done with that one, I have to write a ten page paper for Reformational Philosophy. Which won't be too bad either, since my wonderful prof gave me a two day extension (it had been due Wednesday as well). It's just hard to sit here at the computer and write like it was a full-time job. All day. And night. It makes me question whether I'm really cut out for academia.

So, to procrastinate, and in an effort to put some faces to the names I may drop in this blog from time to time, here are some pictures from the ICS Christmas party last Friday. More to come.





Me and Yvana. Yvana's awesome.









Yvana and Mike.
They're married.
I like them.





Chris, Jeff, Mike. The cool ones.

We made our own wine right before the Christmas party. (Well, on a few of us actually went to bottle it, but we all split a batch of red and white.)
It's good stuff! And cheap, too.

late night bus rides

Last night after the ICS Christmas party, I had to take the bus home because it was too late for the subway (which is faster). The bus was really full, and I was standing in the aisle. Approaching my stop, I couldn't reach far enough to pull the rope draped above the bus windows to indicate I wanted to stop. There are also stop buttons on some poles, but those, too, were out of my reach. So I asked a man standing in front of me, "Could you please push the stop button for me?" He didn't hear me at first because he was wearing earphones, listening to his iPod. So I repeated, a little louder and more urgently (because we were almost going to fly by my stop), "Could you please push the stop button for me?" He heard me, turned around and looked at me, grinned creepily, pushed the button and said, "Why of course I can push the button for you, girlie."

Creepy.

I was in such a hurry to get off the bus that I fuddled with the doors while trying to open them and looked uncoordinated and silly--but I really didn't care. I just wanted off that bus.

how dare I forget???

The groom!

WEDDING PICTURES!

Finally got some digital pictures from Joya's wedding! Enjoy. (I know I do.)


Above: Trying to convince Bradley to come into the picture and smile...
Above: my immediate family(Steven, Mom, Joya, Dad, Sara, Rebecca)

The stunning bride, my dear sister

Aw, what a cute flower girl!

paper paper paper paper paper time

Today I am going to write at least 10 pages of my 25-page paper due December 20th. I'm supposed to be reading for the classes I have this week, but that will have to wait. I also have a ten page paper due on December 20th. Hmm....

If you see me online today, yell at me. Tell me to get back to work. I'll only be procrastinating. Which will be extremely detrimental to my stress level and accomplishment at the end of the day.

I have the hiccups, and it's making it hard to think.

Today

Today, I felt like I should be less emotional, like I should maintain the wall (that I previously lamented) between my past personal life and my life at ICS.

Today vulnerability became much scarier to me.

Today, for the first time I can remember, I realized how deeply the events of my past shape how I interpret the present.

Today, for the second time, I nearly cried in front of people at ICS.
(The first time was due to frustration over one of my classes....)

Today I was blessed by someone who hurt me.

Today I learned more about the power of words.

Today vulnerability became more important to me.

Today I realized that I should be more emotional, that I should share with others the pain of my past.

cozy warm friend & laughter-filled apartment

What a wonderful weekend.

On Friday night we hung out at ICS for the weekly "We (H)ours", watching Crimes and Misdemeanors (Woody Allen), listening to Stu on the piano, and listening to Chris play the piano and sing songs he wrote. Good songs, as much as he denied it. I kept saying I was going to leave, just one more song,...and then it was 1:30 and I had to leave to catch the subway.

On Saturday my Mom came bright and early (at 8:45am--it was bright and early after a late night!) and we went to the One of a Kind craft show at the Ex. I love my mom. We had a good time admiring the various works, (there are a TON of vendors, all different kinds of 'crafts') and I bought three neat photographs to put on my empty walls. Then Mom took me grocery shopping for heavy items that I can't carry all by myself usually (cans and bottles of things, ice cream that would melt if I took it on the subway...). Thank you, Mom.

I tried to do homework all afternoon and evening, but I was too distracted/exited thinking about hosting people on Sunday night. Last night six friends came over for soup and cornbread (and rum and coke). It was the first time I've had people over, and it only reaffirmed that I want to host people all the time. I love it. I love feeding people and hanging out and laughing and doing what I can to make sure everyone has a great time. I feel more known, because hospitality is such a big part of who I am, and everyone had a chance to see where I live. If only I lived closer to everyone else and they didn't have to fork out $$ to take the subway here and back... I'd have them over every weekend if I could.

I finally feel like my apartment is finally lived in.

I only hope my aunt and uncle didn't hear us laughing at 1:30am...

Lorraine stayed over on my top bunk, and we stayed up 'til 3am talking. Fabulous.

Now I do need to hit the books.

to be known

Sometimes I feel like no one knows me here. Yes, people know me, know who I am, and I'd consider many here my friends. But I don't often feel known. I'm always curious about who othersreally are and what makes them tick. What their childhoods were like, what their fears are, what their hopes are. How their life has shaped them. People put up so many fronts.

No one knows about my past. And it feels strange, when things are said or implied or joked about, and it brings back so many memories, and I don't feel free to share them. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know how I'll be received---whether others want to know.

I know, developing deep friendships takes time. I'm the type that wants to get super close super fast. That can't be healthy.

And I'm really sentimental. Just throwing that out there.

And I'm feeling rather self-centered. I'm sorry.

sleeping in the pouring rain

This morning I didn't want to get out of bed. My sheets are freshly washed and so welcoming, and even though it was 7:30am, the sky outtside was still dark. Not a good sign.

Yesterday morning the temperature was 15 degrees. Celsius. By yesterday at around 4pm, the temperature had dropped to 4 degrees! And now for the next week straight forecasts call for -2 and snow/rain constantly. And wind. Lots of wind. Which doesn't make it real easy to protect yourself from the freezing rain with an umbrella! This morning I was soaked from the knees down by the time I got to ICS-- and I was on transit for most of the trip. But it's really not so bad. I could be biking (like many of my fellow ICS students).

My mom is coming tomorrow and we're going to the One of a Kind craft show at Exhibition Place. Hooray for being within easy driving distance from my parents!

I'm listening to the Falalattes new Christmas cd right now. Fabulous! Kudos, Marcus and Dan. Thank you for continuing a great tradtion!

I'm going through one of those times where I question the point of being a student. I feel as though all I do is read, read, read, (and now I have to write, write, write four term papers), and I feel like I'm not doing anyone else any good. It feels like a selfish existence, really--I like school, I like to study (in most of my classes...), so I spend time and money on my own desires. I know I'm preparing for a career someday, and that I am in an "office" as a student, too... Sometimes I just have a hard time feeling like I'm fulfilling any sort of vocation, in my life right now, reading all day.