Thursday, September 28, 2006

what was i thinking??

Why did I ever think that I could make it?

I'm in the middle of reading Dewey on art as an experience for a class tomorrow, and I have no idea what he is talking about. No. Idea. How am I ever going to write a paper for this class? A 20 page paper???

Why did I ever think I was smart enough for ICS?

I'm not.

I'm certainly not.

I have been humbled.

I'm going to try to drop this incomprehendible class.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

*huge sigh of relief*

My first ever presentation as a graduate student is over. Done. Completed. HUZZAH!!! What a relief. Plus, to make it even better, the professor came up to me afterwards, as I worked reception, and told me that I did well. I didn't expect that at all. Double HUZZAH!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Overseen (?)

"Fighting a war for peace is like f_ _ _ing for virginity".

---On my walk home from Little Trinity Anglican church, I saw a young man walking towards me wearing a t-shirt on which this was written.

Friday, September 15, 2006


"You know why George Bush has problems speaking, don't you? Drugs. All sorts. Yeah, he's clean now, but back in the day...whooo....lots of cocaine and alcohol. And those are drugs. And they really mess you up, brain cells, and you lose your mind, just like what's happening to Mr. Bush right now."
--a random man on the streetcar, the situation made even more hilarious by the fact that he was talking to no one in particular. No one. Just talking loudly on the streetcar to anyone who would listen, everyone else looking awkwardly at each other with expressions of "Do you know him? because I certainly don't..."

"Yeah, man, I can't get back together with her. I mean, it'll seem great at first, but it's all down hill from there. We still sleep in the same bed and everything, because I can't really kick her out..."

(friend)..."but it's your bed, man, and it's your couch, too!"

..."I know, but come on, she'd hate me."

"Yeah, girls can be vicious. They mess everything up."

"I mean, I'd like to get back together with her, maybe, but this way I can go out and party all the time, you know?"
---two university-aged guys, on the subway, talking about their girl problems.

I have been doing more than just riding public transit listening for interesting stories. In fact, I don't think I'll have the time to people-watch any longer. I must spend every waking hour reading complicated philosophical texts so that I have a clue (maybe?) what everyone else in the class is talking about. I have realized this past week that my philosophical background is seriously lacking, something I intellectually knew before coming here, but brushed off oh-too-quickly. I feel behind from the get-go. I guess it's really just one class that I'm terrified of, the one with all second-year master's students and PhD students in it... I need to do some serious background reading on the big names in philosophy so that when they are dropped into discussions I know what their main ideas were!

I like grad school in general, though. One 3 hour class a week for each of my four classes. And LOTS of reading, but I like reading, so as long as it isn't too cryptic and difficult to read, I'll be ok (let's hope)!

Grad school has been a little depressing for me, though, because everyone has lives (and husbands and wives) outside of school, and I just want to hang out all the time like we did at Dordt. That would probably be harmful for my grades, but still. I miss the community, at the risk of sounding like a giant cliche.

Most of all, I miss hugs.

My mom and dad came last weekend to bring my bed and a bookshelf, both of which were greatly appreciated! Also, in the "greatly appreciated" department, were the groceries that my mom bought for me. All the basics--rice, ww noodles, fruits and veggies, flour and sugar, everything that would be far too heavy for me to carry on public transit. Feeling like I can cook and bake again with a pantry full of groceries means so much more to me than the $100 it cost my parents. Thanks, mom!!

I talked to Ann last night on the phone for a long time, on my finally-hooked-up-phone with 5 cent a minute long distance. It was great to connect with someone who knows me really well again, who knows my history. I again realized that I'm not 'over' or 'healed' after all the emotional trauma of the last semester, and I'm angry about that. Why can't I just get over it, and move on? I'm still hurting too much, still bitter and upset about the whole situation, but wanting so badly to move on.

Well, this was a rather long and disjointed summary of the last week of my life. I apologize. But since you made it this far, thank you.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Live from T.O.

Good afternoon, all! I'm writing from the wonderfully free internet access at one of Toronto's many public libraries. Hooray for free! Hooray for libraries!! I do believe I will spend much time enjoying more of both of these blessings in the months to come.

So orientation at ICS is complete. I'm all oriented to the school. My classmates are great, profs (or "senior members", since students are called "junior members") are super smart (yikes), and my apartment is wonderful, albeit a work in progress. No kitchen cabinets until October at least, so cooking (actually, storing dishes) is a challenge at this point. I also need to invest in a couch of some sort, and my parents are coming with a bed this weekend. I love living on my own, but I do really miss having friends around all the time. Toronto is a great city, though, and you all should come live here.

I'm taking a class at U of T through the ICS, and I'm incredibly intimidated at the thought of it... please keep me in your thoughts this Tuesday at 2pm!

My time is running out...more updates later, possibly even with pictures.

If you're reading this, I miss you!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Pciture time!

Visiting Ann in T.O., at her tremendously challenging summer position! I just realized I look like I'm not wearing a shirt in this picture. Eeeeee.

The protest I "happened upon" in Toronto a month ago (see July 30th post). The sign says, "Stop Israel's Apartheid Wall", and the main point of the protest seemed to be fighting Canadian support of Israel's war in Lebanon and its unjust actions against the Palestinians.

Camping! August 2006. London FRINGE camping trip...Ethan and Laurel SURPRISED us...Laura came from Minneapolis... Beth and Paul's pictures are clearer, but hey, what do you expect from a disposable camera?