no words

Hugs. Cuddling. Warmth. Friendship. Giggling. Theatre. Driving. Lots of driving.

That's what my weekend was made of.

Ann and I made a SURPRISE! trip to good ol' Dordt. The screams of surprise from Amanda and Kendra were definately a highlight :) Sleeping in the back of the Vibe on the way there was...interesting. The play (Arsenic and Old Lace), a hilarious gem. The actors, marvelous.

Familiar surroundings, hugs, hanging out in Southview and at Pasma's...reassuring, refreshing, painful to leave.

Tomorrow I leave T.O. after being back for less than 24 hours. My sister is getting married in Chicago on Saturday. I'm a maid of honour.

More driving...

So don't expect a new post for a while...

By the way: a very hearty THANK YOU to all of you who made this weekend the blessing that it was. A special shout out to Crystal, who let me sleep in her bed! And to all of SV 204, who let us invade. And to everyone who gave me a hug. And to everyone who looked happy to see me.

words that bring me tears to my eyes

Dear Aunt Sara,

I hope you have a good day at school when you go. And I hope your teachers love you. And when you go to school, sit down at the right desk, okay? And when you go to school, study a lot! And when the sun rises, wake up.

That was an exact transcription of what my precocious, adorable three and a half year old niece Jocelyn thought my sister Rebecca should write in a card I received from them yesterday. I love my family! I'm sad that they're so far away, but excited to see them at Joya's wedding in TWO WEEKS!

However, I have a lot of school work to do in those two weeks. Eeeekkk...

Last night ICS had its October convocation, where the president gave his inagural address and an honorary doctorate was bestowed upon a very worthy recipient. The whole thing made me very glad to be studying at ICS. I'd been doubting how well I fit with what ICS has to offer--so much philosophy--but I think that I need to get through all this tough deep philosophy stuff before I can really have a good understanding of its APPLICATION to real life, which is where my real interest lies. I served at the wine and cheese reception afterwards, and it was such a joy to see the hall packed with ICS supporters all chatting and discussing and laughing and having a wonderful time! AND MY PARENTS CAME! They live close by, but I still don't get to see them so much, and I love them.

And I saw Syd and Evelyn, and Grandpa Hulst, and the VanderStelts, and a bunch of people from my church. For the first time in a while, I felt like I was at home in that community.

better day

It's raining today. ALL DAY it's been steadily raining. It's supposed to keep raining tomorrow.

Boo.

However, despite the rain, the last two days have been better than the two before that. Yesterday I got a lot accomplished, and I felt better about academics.

I think that's my problem: I base my feelings about myself on how much I accomplish. Not good.

I don't have much to say, but I didn't want everyone to keep thinking I'm a self-pitying moper. Thank you for your encouragement, everyone who commented!

Things are better. But still super busy. I'm working (at ICS) tomorrow, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. But then it's reading week. Hooray!

warning: self-pity

It's what a blog is all about, isn't it? To rant about how crappy your life is and then get people to comment on it? Only people don't seem to be commenting. (Insert more self-pity here.)

Yesterday I spent all afternoon trying to read a 35 page article by Dooyeweerd. I read about 10 pages. And I don't think I understood it. And then I got very very very frustrated. And I felt stupid. And I wondered why I ever wanted to study philosophy in the first place.

So I went for a walk. And took a nap. And cried a bunch.

Today I went to church. It was good. I'm still searching for a church that I feel at home in. I felt like God was telling me that there is a time for everything...and that my work is a gift, and when I loose sight of that, that's when I get obsessed with completing everything and understanding everything. Sorry if that didn't make sense.

Tonight I realized that next weekend some of my favourite people are going to be together in Ohio next weekend, and I won't be with them. And I got really depressed. And cried a little more.

And tomorrow: another attempt at Dooyeweerd. Even though I have a million other readings to do, I still have to struggle through the stupid Dooyeweerd one. Ugggghhhhhhhggggghhh!

I wish I were at Dordt.

I'm sorry I'm a suck.

Today I hate Dooyeweerd

He's far too difficult to read. Smart man, insightful and all, but today I hate him.

I've decided that it would be the death of me to get into myspace or facebook. Each provide far too many reasons to procrastinate even more than I already do.

illegal subway talk

Today as I was relaxing on the subway (if that's possible when it's so crowded), a few young people entered the car I was in. The first thing that struck me about the young woman in particular was that she was eating something out of a white tube--turns out it was cake icing. (The next thing I noticed that was the crotch of her jeans was, quite literally, at her ankles. Her sweatshirt went all the way to her knees. I really don't know how she could ever dream of walking. Inwardly, I laughed a little! But I digress.) A 30-something man wearing a USSR t-shirt said to the girl, "You know, when I was 8 years old, I would steal those tubes of icing and eat it before I got home so my mom wouldn't know." And the girl look at her two friends and burst out laughing. "What, did you steal that?" asked the man in the USSR t-shirt. "Yeah, well, he's the one who actually took it!!" she said, pointing to her friend, the young man next to her. She continued to lick frosting through a hole roughly poked in the side of the tube--I couldn't figure out why she didn't just open it at the top. What was so strange (to me) about the whole thing is that the subway car was packed-standing room only-and everyone heard this interchange. No one seemed at all phased by it. Most people ignored it, I think.

Interesting.

In other news, today in my art/civilization/knowledge class I understood some of what was discussed. A friend, Chris, did a presentation on how Dewey (the author of the book we're reading) might be advocating for socialism. However, that's somewhat irrelevant. The relevant part is that I UNDERSTOOD WHAT HE WAS SAYING. Hallelujah! And, we finished this book by Dewey that I've been having a hard time with, and we got to say what we thought of it. Many people bashed the disorganized writing--the content was great--and the size of the assignments. It was beautiful not to feel alone in my frustration.

My cousin Lawren was going to come to visit today from Syracuse, and I was going to make dinner for him and Mary, Earl, and Myra. However, Lawren is stuck in a cheap motel in New York state somewhere due to the terrible snowy weather!! I'm sorry, Lawren! I hope you can get back home soon.

beer

Yesterday we had a potluck lunch at ICS to celebrate Thanksgiving. I made apple crisp. It turned out far better that I expected. Yumm.... I even made an extra one to keep at home with me in case guests come over! (which never happens. Hint: if you're nearby, come visit and you can have some yummy apple crisp.)

There's a tradition at ICS that on Fridays at 3pm people stop what they're doing to play chinese checkers. I've never seen anyone so obsessed with chinese checkers. It's great, really! So yesterday I played against the "masters" of the game, and didn't do too badly. This is ICS for you: six of us drank a bottle of white zinfandel and ate cheese and crackers while we played!

Four of us then went to see the movie "The Departed" with Jack Nicholson, Leonardo di Caprio, Mark Walburg, etc. We had to walk 45 minutes to get to the cheap movie theatre (and it was still $7.50!) and we were too late for the 7pm show. So we went out to eat and came back for the 9:50 show.

I drank a beer. Well, most of a beer. If you know me, you know that this is unusual, to say the least! I hate beer. Hate it. It's such a culture of beer here, that I figured I should at least give it a chance. When we first ordered drinks, everyone else got these exotic beers (we were at a brewery/cafe) and I ordered...a coke. I've never felt so juvenile. So after dinner I asked them what the best beer would be for someone who hates beer, and my friends recommended a raspberry beer. It was better than normal beer, but it still tasted gross. Except the aftertaste was raspberry, and I like raspberry. I still couldn't finish it all, though. I felt like such a child.

The movie was good. I'm no film critic, but it was really suspenseful (which I like) and the plot kept twisting and turning, and I like it when a film keeps you thinking. If you've ever watched a suspenseful movie with me, you know that it's a completely bodily experience for me--I jump and hide my face with my hands and generally get way too into the movie...but it's more fun that way!

In the movie, a psychiatrist presribes Lorazapam for the main character. That startled me, because...well, Brian was taking that when everything happened.

This has been very factual. I apologize.

revised

Ok, so I was a little too depressed in that last post. But I meant it at the time!!

I went and talked to my mentor about the philosophy of art class that is kicking my butt. He's one of the two profs that co-teaches it. He basically said, don't worry, all first year students feel like they're drowning at first. What made me feel even better was that he said that he found chapter 6 (the one I completely gave up on) to be the most difficult. He also said that I don't need to understand everything I read. Hallelujah! And, I can't drop the class because I need it to complete my program of study. So stick with it I will...

I made one phone call and talked to four wonderful people on the phone tonight. You know who you are. Thank you for cheering me up and reminding me that I'm not as alone as I think I am, here in my empty apartment away from the Dordt community. I thoroughly enjoyed hearing all about your lives!!

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend (a second year MA student) from ICS about marriage. He believes that there's nothing in the Bible that forbids open marriages or multiple person marriages, ie, 5 people in a lifelong committment with each other. I was blown away. I guess this is what people warned me about--radical theological views at ICS! But he's a great guy, and I'm sure we'll talk (and probably disagree) about more interesting theological issues in the future.