warning: self-pity

It's what a blog is all about, isn't it? To rant about how crappy your life is and then get people to comment on it? Only people don't seem to be commenting. (Insert more self-pity here.)

Yesterday I spent all afternoon trying to read a 35 page article by Dooyeweerd. I read about 10 pages. And I don't think I understood it. And then I got very very very frustrated. And I felt stupid. And I wondered why I ever wanted to study philosophy in the first place.

So I went for a walk. And took a nap. And cried a bunch.

Today I went to church. It was good. I'm still searching for a church that I feel at home in. I felt like God was telling me that there is a time for everything...and that my work is a gift, and when I loose sight of that, that's when I get obsessed with completing everything and understanding everything. Sorry if that didn't make sense.

Tonight I realized that next weekend some of my favourite people are going to be together in Ohio next weekend, and I won't be with them. And I got really depressed. And cried a little more.

And tomorrow: another attempt at Dooyeweerd. Even though I have a million other readings to do, I still have to struggle through the stupid Dooyeweerd one. Ugggghhhhhhhggggghhh!

I wish I were at Dordt.

I'm sorry I'm a suck.