Growing up...a failure?

I feel as though I have to make so many decisions in the coming month, and I don't like it. I've come to discover new things about myself--for example, that I am petrified of making bad decisions.

I bought a laptop yesterday. I apologize to all of you hard core computer-literate people out there who will be woefully disappointed in me: I bought a Dell. Yes, I wanted a Mac too, but they were too much money, and also, too much computer for me. I wouldn't now how to use the thing, and I would feel all the time like I should be doing more and cooler things with it, like I wasn't worthy of its potential, its audio-visual editing capacity and things like that...and I'll just be writing papers, come on. I can get a Mac later if I really want one, ok???

The reason I'm defending myself so vehemently is that I'm terrified of making bad decisions. For the first time in my life I think I had a panic attack last night. Over the decision to buy a Dell. I freaked out, hyperventilating in bed, because I thought about how maybe I should have bought a Mac, they're far superior, after all, as my brother-in-law always tells me, and what if I get a virus and what if I regret not getting the Mac and what if I wish I had the free iPod (that comes with a macbook) and what if what if what if????? If you've never had a panic attack, I don't recommend it. It was frightening to feel so irrational but not be able to talk myself out of the irrationality.

For this reason and many others, I'm glad I'll be living in my aunt and uncle's basement. They're rational. I could go up there and freak out with them and they'd just have to look at me and I'm sure I'd calm down. Or at least they could help me breathe.

Please don't be disappointed in me.

Perhaps it's not the fear of making a bad decision. Perhaps I'm more afraid of disappointing family and friends.